Bit of Encouragement for Parents

I came across this lovely little poem that speaks to the intangible gifts that children provide for us!

It's a nice little read for when we feel "tied down" by our children, when our ambitions seem to exceed the time we have right now to pursue them

We have all been there. Hang on, your children will grow and you will have more time to follow your ambitions and plans.

Until then, read this:

They Tie You Down

"They tie you down," a woman said,
Whose cheeks shoud have been flaming red
With shame to speak of children so.
"When babies come you cannot go
In search of pleasure with your friends,
And all your happy wandering ends.
The things you like you cannot do,
For babies make a slave of you."

I looked at her and said:
"Tis true That Children make a slave of you,
And tie you down with many a knot,
But have you never thought to what
It is of happiness and pride
That little babies have you tied?
Do you not miss the great joys?
That come with little girls and boys?
"They tie you down to laughter rare,
To hours of smiles and hours of care,
to nights of watching and to fears;
Sometimes they tie you down to tears
And then repay you with a smile,
And make you trouble all worth while.

They tie you fast to cubby feet
and cheeks of pink and kisses sweet.
"They fasten you with cords of love
To God divine, who reigns above.
They tie you, whereso'er you roam,
Unto the little place called home,
And over sea or railroad track
They tug at you and bring you back.
The happies people in town
Are those the babies have tied down.
"Oh, go your selfish way and free
But hampered I would rather be,
Yes rather than a kingly crown I would be,
what you term, tied down;
Tied down to dancing eyes and charms,
Held fast by chubby, dimpled arms,
The fettered slave of girl and boy,
And win from them earth's finest joy."

By Edgar Guest

Burnout Busters

I'm pulling together some content for a workshop I'm giving next week (and ultimately turning into an audio file for sale). The topic is recognizing and combatting burnout.



I thought it is important enough info to blog about...after all, even WAHMs are at risk for burning out.



So what is "burnout" exactly? How do you know when you're at that point?



Burnout is an extreme form of stress. It typically happens when stress is poorly (or not at all) managed, and builds up over time. Having experienced this myself, I can say with certainty, it is NOT a place you want to stay in!



Burnout is physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. People who are "burned out" tend to be cynical, very sarcastic, more irritable than normal, and impatient. Productivity decreases and there is a lack of job (and even life) satisfaction. It's different than depression, but can certainly lead to depression.

I experienced burnout relatively early in my career, so I know how terrible it feels. And I also was able to identify the reasons I got to that point - and managed to pull myself out.

You can learn from my mistakes, and avoid it all together. Or if you're already there, take heart that you CAN pull yourself out of that low place.

How?

Balance truly is the key. One of the biggest errors I made was focusing too much on one group of patients as a psychologist. In retrospect, I got too caught up in how "good" I was at it, and how effectively I helped the patients. I failed to appreciate the need to counter balance that with a less intense group of people.

And I really didn't care for myself as well as I should have - I exercised, but not consistently. I generally ate well, but not even most of the time. I had no hobbies, no downtime, no time away from the children. And being in the helping profession amplified the problems.

The solution for me was to shut down my practice. As blessings often happen, mine occured when I discovered coaching - knowing that I could still impact people in a positive way while balancing my life gave me an unexpected lift.

What can you do?

Find your balance. Only YOU can determine what that will be, what that will look like. But you can do it! Start with the end in mind - what will your balanced life look like? How much time will you put in different areas?

Find a hobby/diversion. Make it something that is completely unrelated to your work. Make sure that when you are doing your hobby, you don't feel like you have to be "on." You will then be pulled back into "work" mode. Do something entirely for your enjoyment and pleasure.

Create time for exercise and physical activity. It is a wonderful stress buster, and works at a physiological level to combat the accumulation of stress (which leads to burnout).

Find areas to delegate in work. You can't do it all. You may need a new challenge, a new environment, or a new job all together. But concentrate on your strengths and hire out/staff the rest.

You CAN have a balanced life. I've done it. It wasn't "easy" or overnight. But I followed the same tips from above and created a pretty nice thing for myself and my family.

Why don't you get started today?

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

What Would You Do Differently?

I'm in the process of writing my second book (which will probably be an e-book, incidentally) about managing stress during tough economic times. I was inspired to do this because of all the free floating anxiety and worry that is out in the world these days.

And not that folks have no reason to be concerned about things, but responding with stress and anxiety really adds multiple layers of problems.

So one thing I would challenge everyone to do is to answer the following question: If you woke up tomorrow and the economy was "fixed," what would you do differently?

For some people, the answer might be "I'd go out again to find a job and might have an easier time of it."

For others, the answer might be, "I'd put the house on the market like I've been wanting to for the past year."

Or, the answer might be, "Well, I guess there's not much I would do differently other than not feel as worried."

Whatever your personal answer, I'd like to encourage you to ACT on that answer. Get up tomorrow and move forward with your plans, regardless of the latest stock market news or unemployment figures.

If you want to sell your house, then put in on the market. True, it may take a really long time to sell, but there is 100% certainty of it NOT selling by keeping it off the market. You only have a shot at selling if it actually is for sale.

Are you unemployed and having a hard time finding another position? Maybe it's time to think more strategically - look at your skill set and talents from another standpoint, and perhaps you might find a new career path.

Even in "good economies," there are always employment sectors that are harder to find jobs in than others. In what ways can you make yourself more marketable? Are there classes you can take? Are there skills you can develop?

Or maybe making yourself more marketable means increasing your "mental flexibility:" expanding your ideas of what you can and will do.

It's easy to stay in a box we've been in a long time. But how liberating to climb out and see things we'd never noticed before that we really enjoy or have an aptitude for.

Stretch yourself just a bit....and see what happens.

If you own a business, step outside tomorrow and take your biz in a direction you never considered before. Just see what happens when you expand and move forward. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll feel great just trying something new.

Don't we all need something new to think about these days?

Do something differently, then let us know how it worked out!

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

Working at Home?

My local paper did an article on working from home, and as a subset of that main topic, the journalist talked about those of us who work from home while home educating our children. Here's the link: http://ydr.inyork.com/ci_11674263

I am so glad this hit the news again, as one of my biggest career goals is to promote the powerful lifestyle of operating a home based business. I also happen to believe that more folks need to home educate their children, but that's a topic for another blog....

Having a home based business comes with many challenges. But in an unstable economic environment, taking on that challenge can be one of the best moves a person can make.

The tax benefits are an obvious perk. But beyond that, "owning" your ability to create money and build something that reflects YOU as an individual, while also preserving your desire to be present in the lives of your family members, is a priceless combination.

Home based businesses run the gamut from folks who just want to dabble a bit by making a few bucks indulging a passion or hobby, to those who really "work" the business aspect and establish a mini-empire for themselves.

Regardless of which end of the spectrum in which you fall, embracing the entrepreneurial spirit helps your grow personally as well. Learning how to promote and market yourself and your business often requires skills that you might not ordinarily use associate with business building.

For example, building relationships is the key to building business. Most women are great at relationship building, yet shy away from this when it comes to product/service promotion. Overcoming that mental block allows you to see ways in which you can enhance the lives of those around you, while also making some money in the process.

People are still spending money out there. They might not be purchasing big ticket items like houses and cars. But they are still buying makeup, small home decor items, jewelry, home-related services, and personal coaching services. They are still wanting to create healthy lives for themselves and their families, and are hungry for that information and support to make changes in that direction.

You CAN provide that! And do it from home....

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

Weekend Warrior...or doggie guilt?

Well, no, I'm not a weekend warrior. I don't like to do too much work on the weekends (I do answer client emails and inquiries from prospective clients). But the past several weeks have been so jam packed, a Saturday with little on the agenda almost screams out, "HEY! Catch up on some work!"

So here I sit, chugging through my to-do list, making some headway. Of course it feels great, and the reality is that, as a business owner, my hours are flexible and fluid. The trick is to make sure that balance is maintained most of the time.

I suppose if I cared less about spending time with the family during the week, I could have accomplished a bit more and had the "whole" weekend for family time. Or I could have worked a lot and then spent the weekend catching up on school work with the boys.

But neither of those options feels good for me. I prefer that most of my days reflect the things that are most important to me. I tell my clients that a stranger should be able to look at your weekly schedule and determine exactly what are your most important priorities and values.

I like to take that one step farther and make each DAY reflect the things I value the most. Homeschooling is always my first priority, but occassionally that takes a back seat to my speeches, meetings, or trainings. Not often, but sometimes.

With the remaining time I work my career. And for the last 15 or so minutes of the day I MIGHT clean my house....but that is a big "MIGHT!" Wish I could keep a neater house, but it is NOT going to happen!

Lately, I've been very busy - I have new clients, I am fielding quite a few requests for speaking engagements, and I'm writing an e-book....oh, and another print book.

So a Saturday spent catching up makes sense for me. And because I consciously design my schedule, I have no guilt.

OK, not entirely true - my dogs are sitting here staring at me, trying to will me to take them for a walk. Hey, what's wrong with me that I don't feel any guilt from my kids, but my DOGS pull on my guilt strings???

Does that mean my carefully crafted balance is actually not sufficient? And since when are dogs allowed to provoke guilt in humans?

Sigh....I'm bagging the rest of my to-do list this morning....now, where are their leashes....?

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

Joys of Business Ownership

I never thought I'd ever own a business. Growing up, I kind of always knew I wanted to be a psychologist and help people change their behaviors so they can be healthier and happier. But run a business? Never even on my radar screen.

So when I decided to quit my job as a psychologist at a hospital and start a coaching practice on my own, I faced a steep learning curve. I was attracted by the flexibility of coaching from my home (it's all by telephone), but I never learned how to run the BUSINESS of coaching.

For that matter, I never learned the BUSINESS of running a therapy practice. I had a sucessful one because I was affliated with a busy hospital-based medical practice.

In graduate school, there were no classes on business building, marketing, accounting/money management, and building a web presense. I always thought I'd hang out my shingle as a coach with a Ph.D. and clients would magically flock to pay for my services.

It probably won't shock you when you hear that, in fact, it did not happen that way. I had to do what all of YOU do: learn the basics of internet marketing, learn how invaluable networking is, and learn the importance of "getting yourself out there."

At first, these tasks felt overwhelming. Why couldn't I just concentrate on doing what I do best - partnering with people towards optimal performance??? I even resented having to do all of that other stuff.

Eventually I got over it. And you know what? I've even come to ENJOY much of it. One of the reasons I enjoy it so much is because I get to know so many fascinating people along the way.

Through my various marketing efforts, I've had the enormous pleasure of encountering some of the most talented and interesting folks I have ever met. And in all likelihood, I would not have had that pleasure if I didn't "have" to market myself.

It's funny where I find gifts in life....often times as a direct result of something I'd been resisting.

Here's to the hidden joys!

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

Staying busy....

So I had a really busy day today.

I'll admit that my personal WAH situation is different from many because I homeschool my children. And that certainly eats up time that might be spent building business.

Because I don't do business during "school" hours, that forces most of my work to the afternoons and evenings.

As I found out this evening, that schedule sometimes means that things fall through the cracks - like, you know, feeding my child.

So all right, it didn't kill him to wait an extra hour and a half to have dinner. And my husband COULD have made sure to feed Alex before leaving for Lucas' hockey practice.

But as he sits down stairs happily inhaling his mac and cheese, I am reminded that I choose this lifestyle because it fits the values most important to me - family time, true education, and striving to maximize all of our gifts and talents.

I can't say I feel good about poor Alex having to wait so long for dinner (although he was playing with a friend and couldn't have been TOO unhappy!). But neither do I drown myself in guilt.

We all do meaningful, purposeful things every day. We advance our families and work our businesses - in good times and in bad. Sometimes we may have to sacrifice comfort to allow other things to happen. This is a good lesson for all the members of our family - and maybe yours, too.

Guilt sucks. Those who know me, and certainly all of my clients, have heard me say this repeatedly. Moms do SO MUCH over the course of the day. And for those of us managing a business at the same time, we juggle even more.

There is no room for guilt. Guilt and regret are distractions. Let's chuck them out the window and move forward. Because we're working our careers, loving our families, and ignoring the bad economic news.

We're busy. No time for guilt.

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

Another reason to turn off the TV

I belong to various list serves and online groups, one of which just started a discussion regarding how to manage the stress of the economy. I suggested the importance of turning off the television to manage stress.

Of course I have blogged about that before, and I continuously remind people of the power that media has over how we feel, what we believe, and ultimately how we act. We must be very mindful of what we allow into our awareness.

Need some proof, or more reason? About six or seven years ago, a research study was published analyzing the role of television viewing on mood and emotions. Without getting into boring details, it asked participants to record on an remote device their mood at various times during the day. This data was then transmitted to the researchers.

Guess what? Watching television was associated with a mood equivalent to mild depression, independent of the subject matter being watched.

Now, did the television viewing produce the mood, or vice versa? Likely it was indeed the viewing that "caused" the depressed mood because of the statistics that were used in the study.

The moral of this blog entry? Turn off the TV! Even when the economy starts to rebound!

To Your Continued Prosperity,
Anita

WAHM Talk Radio Spot

Here's a link to a spot I did on WAHM Talk Radio in November. It's about easy steps to put fitness into your life.

http://www.wahmtalkradio.com/blog/work-at-home-moms-talk-radio-247/

More Tips to Manage Stress

Still need ways to keep your stress level down?

1. Find ONE stress management tip that you will commit to doing for at least one day. And then follow through.

2. Have trouble following through? Get someone to help you. You are not an island, you don't have to slay the dragons all by yourself. Reach out and tell someone what you are trying to do. Publically stating goals increases your committment to them. Plus you'll have someone to hold you accountable to them.

3. Be honest about managing stress. Sometimes people resist making changes in their lives that will decrease stress because they secretly hope that something external to them will happen, magically making all the problems go away.

Do you fantasize that you wake up tomorrow and the economy will be fixed? That more business will just roll right in, and that your spouse will effortlessly find a better job?

Functionally, this wishful thinking becomes a distraction. You "hope" for things to get better, and then put aside the relative inconvenience of developing a new habit, even if it's one that will help you feel better.

4. Have faith in yourself. Know that you have whatever it takes to pull you and your family through tough times. You may not always know what to do or how to do it. But if you can read these words, then you have what it takes. Just have faith and keep moving forward. You might shock yourself with how far you can go!

5. Change your scenery. Sometimes just a change in your surroundings can lower your perception of stress. Sure, it'd be nice if you could wisk away to some Caribbean island for a weekend. But it doesn't have to be that dramatic. Eat lunch in a different place (especially if you tend to eat at your desk). Take a 5 minute walk right after lunch. Pull yourself out of the space that you associate right now with feeling overwhelmed.

And let me know how it works for you! Post your successes or your struggles, and I'll respond!

More Anti-Stress Tips

1. Turn OFF the TV! Nothing more has happened today with the economy that will directly impact you. Act as if nothing has changed.

2. Take regular, deep breaths. When stressed, your body is deprived of the oxygen it really needs. Your muscles tense up as a result and your shallow breathing compounds the situation. Let loose and BREATHE!

3. FAKE it until you make it. It's easy to be dragged down by the news of the day and the events swirling around you. But really ask yourself, if all of those issues were magically resovled TOMORROW when you woke up in the morning....what would you do differently? Probably not much. And if there ARE things you'd do differently, DO THEM anyway.

4. Exercise. Haven't blogged about this in a while, but exercise must become a regular and consistent part of your lifestyle if you expect to have a quality, meaningful life. Find ways to be active, to move your body. They don't have to be dramatic or involve a gym or equipment. You just have to move your body.

5. Work your business. Don't just "do" what people hire you to do - think bigger and go just a little bit farther. Advertise your name/business in one more place today than you normally do. Small steps evolve into big results.

6. Write out THREE main goals for this next month. Make them attainable, measurable, and realistic. Then let me know what they are!

Following these tips will help you increase your sense of control over your life, which will help decrease stress and anxiety (no matter the economic situation!).

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

A Consistent Message

While there was more news of layoffs this morning, I managed to get two new clients in just one day. I have never confirmed two new clients in the same day before, so it marks an interesting milestone for me.

Then I started thinking - wonder why the economy is sending us mixed messages? I have certainly heard the adage that "fortunes are made during recessions," but this just seems different. People who have nothing to do with traditionally recession-proof businesses continue to do very well.

Without denying the royal mess that major segments of the economy are in, I do have to wonder about how we assess and determine the health and sickness of the economic situation.

Maybe the way in which we view the traditional exchange of goods and services is outdated, or at least incomplete. Could it be that, with our educational system pumping out worker for the industrial age, the breadth and scope of the new economy is being obscured?

So many women now have home based businesses. They may not make tons of money, but it represents dollars that aren't being spent elsewhere.

And, in broad terms, home based businesses require less working capital than brick and mortar stores, reducing their need for bank loans.

Perhaps the message is what this great land of ours has traditionally represented - carve out a niche for yourself, and do it in the most creative, cost effective way that you can.

Drilling that message consistently and continuously may help keep some parts of the economy afloat.

Keep moving forward, the potential within you is great!

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

The Best of Women Owned Businesses

Got back from my presentation today. I always feel so energized after speaking to groups of people, and when the groups are full of amazing women doing awesome things, it just makes the whole experience more than I hoped for.

Thanks, ladies, for an inspiring afternoon of motivation, excellent questions, and networking!

No one in the group spoke to me about constraints from the economy. I realized that as I was driving out of the parking lot. What could have become a time of, "Oh no, how are we going to keep our businesses afloat," instead focused on refining our internal beliefs about what is possible and probable.

Obviously outside factors influence business. But when it comes down to it, having the confidence in your capability to grow your business keeps us all more than afloat - it helps us thrive when others are fretting.

The ability to be creative, think about alternative ways of marketing and promotion not only solidifies your foundation, it is good for your brain!

Mental flexibility leads to the best ideas, and keeps people from feeling trapped and victimized by circumstances out of their control.

You can surf through this storm!

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

Women business owners are the future.....

Just getting ready to give a presentation to a wonderful organization, the Center for Entrepreneurial Studies at our local community college.

This particular group emphasizes women-owned businesses, and since many of them tend to be home based, it has a special place in my heart.

In doing some research for this presentation, I came across a wonderful resource link that I'm passing along to you.

http://womenentrepreneursgrowglobal.org/about/

The links this woman has on her blog are incredible, and show the strength and power of women owned businesses.

Looking forward, the ability of women to recognize their talents and skills will truly transform the economy.

Now is the time.

To Your Continuing Prosperity,
Anita

Just a little bit more....

Today I had a wonderful reminder of the power of "thinking big," courtesy of my 9 year old son, Alex.

Alex approached me about four months ago, asking if he could start jogging with me. I was thrilled that my exercise habits were trickling down to him, so of course I encouraged it.

We have a treadmill in the house, and while they can be very dangerous for children, I felt confident enough with my level of close supervision that he would be OK (plus there's that "key" thing that attaches to his chest that will cut the power if he falls).

He really enjoyed it, starting with "running" at a whopping 2.5 MPH for 12 minutes. Very soon, he worked up to 16 minutes, jogging/walking about a mile. He constantly likes to see if he can run "just a little bit faster" each day - makes my heart leap!

About two weeks ago, he developed a cold that has left behind a nasty cough. He avoided jogging because he felt too sluggish on the machine. I know this feeling, and it certainly is a dis-incentive to run.

We do have a doctor's appointment scheduled, but I wanted to see him at least walking for the 16 minutes. It's really more about keeping up the habit, not trying to "exercise."

Today, he got on again, and I encouraged him to try to slowly jog for just a minute. He did, and then backed it down to a walk. One more time, I told him, "Just see if you can run for another minute." And he did!

I'm thinking, "Now he's on a roll, let's see how far I can push this." So I kept telling him, "Alex, when you think you're going as fast as you can, in reality you can go just a little bit faster."

I could see the change taking place in his brain as if it were written on his forehead. He cranked up the speed to faster than he had ever gone, just for 30 seconds.

When he backed it down for his cool down walk, he said to me, "Mom, you were right. I could go faster than I thought I could."

What's the lesson?

Whereever we are, we can go just a little farther. If we're progressing as fast as we can, the fact is that we can go just a little bit faster.

Even in this economy.

Where are you right now? How can you go just a little bit more? Where can you put just a little bit more?

Those "little bit more's" will add up to some "bigger chunks" in short order.

To your continuing prosperity,
Anita

Feeling Stressed? Take a Breather....

And I do mean "breathing" in the literal sense!

Listening to bad news all day long, or even for just a few minutes in the morning or evening, can really take a toll on you. It is hard to resist getting pulled into the doom and gloom of what is going on in the world.

But the consequence is that you bring that doom and gloom into your own mindset! It influences how you feel, how you think, and maybe how you act.

Do not give up your personal power to outside influences! First of all, turn off the TV. I promise you that if something really important happens (like that plane that landed on the Hudson), you will hear about it.

I have taken this important step myself. I tend to be a news junkie, but I realized that constantly having that drone in the background plummeted my mood.

It then became a distraction. I was so pulled into whatever issue was being discussed that I failed to work on projects that would BENEFIT me. How crazy is that?

And indeed, I did hear about the plane last week, even though I didn't have the news on. I didn't miss anything! When I chose to turn the news on, the reports were so miraculous - I felt uplifted by watching. Trying to figure out the last time that happened........still thinking......

After you turn off the TV, you'll notice you have much more time, attention, and energy to devote to your own personal life and business. Conduct your life as if nothing unusual is happening, and you will see progress.

Take that breather from the TV. You will not be sorry!

To Your Continued Prosperity,

Anita ( www.dr-anita.com )

There IS NO recession....

Well, all right, maybe that's not entirely true.....

But I titled this blog entry "There IS NO recession" because I wanted to jolt readers into evaluating how the words they say to themselves impact how they feel. In a direct way, concentrating on the "R-word" creates a layer of stress that just doesn't need to be there.

Imagine for the next several minutes that there were no recession. How would your life be different? What would you be doing differently today? How would you be feeling?

Even if you, or your spouse, has lost a job or had to reduce work hours, does blaming it on the recession really help? Does it help you find another job, or figure out how to generate more income?

No disrespect to anyone who has suffered a job loss, by the way! It is a serious and devastating experience, particularly if your savings has also taken a hit.

However, wringing your hands and lamenting about the economy making it harder to find another job simply adds insult to injury.

Release thoughts about the recession and economy. They become distractions, they pull you away from your goal of getting back to work or earning more money. Even if your situation hasn't been affected by the economy, having a "recession-orientation" can have no other result than to make you stressed and worried.

Those thoughts make you feel lousy, bottom line. If your situation is truly bad, then don't make it worse by absorbing the weight of the entire economic picture on your shoulders.

Be in problem-solving mode. Rather that repeating, "The economy is so bad, I can't find a job or make more money," shift to a position of "Where can I look next, where are opportunities I've passed by, what options exist that I've not ever thought of before?"

In no way does this minimize or undermine the hard work and transitions you will have to go through. But you can maintain a lower level of stress and overwhelm by narrowing your focus to the things you have true control over.

To your balanced prosperity,
Anita

Staying Calm in the Troubled Economy

It's been a while since I posted to the blog! Please don't think I have abandoned you, my precious readers.



Rather, I just got really busy, with lots of new clients and opportunities presenting themselves. I had speaking engagements and requests for articles. My clients were pushing to get their goals accomplished before the end of 2008, meaning hard core focusing was going on.



All along, I've been networking and connecting with all kinds of people, including more and more work at home mothers.



Through all of this connecting, I experienced something unexpected: many of the WAHMs I spoke to reported an INCREASE in their businesses during the last two quarters of the year.



What? This didn't make any sense to me, although it mirrored my own business trends. Every day on the news, we were bombarded with proof of the economic slow down.



To be sure, major segments of the economy have slowed considerably, there is no denying this. Among my friends and network connections, their husbands have been laid off or their hours have been reduced.



In trying to process this apparent discrepancy between what people on "Main Street" were saying, versus what the talking heads on TV were saying, it dawned on me.



Traditional measures of economic health rely on traditional retail numbers. That means that all the money I make, and all the money that MLM contractors make, are not captured in the overall economic picture.



No one asked me to report the gift certificates I sold for coaching services over the holidays. But those are dollars that were not spent at Macy's or Walmart.



I see individuals struggling in this economy. But I also see people thriving (including myself, at least up to this point).



The take home message - build your businesses! What is happening in traditional settings does not reflect what is going on in the "new economy."



Let's report our own economic news....

To Your Prosperity,
Anita

P.S. And while you're at it, head on over to www.dr-anita.com and sign up for my newsletter!